oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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