he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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