Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
