Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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