im six kinds of drunk right now
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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