You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
