im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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