I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dignity is for republicans.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
