bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
