yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
