Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
