you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize