What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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