I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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