Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
