im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
