Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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