glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
