I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
