I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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