I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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