Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
