I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
