Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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