every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
