I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
