And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
