the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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