....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
