ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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