What did we do last night that was yellow?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
