it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
