Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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