I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
