Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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