If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
