I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
