new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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