How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
