now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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