this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
