help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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