happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
