Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
