you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
