OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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