I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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