I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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