just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
