I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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