He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
