I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
