remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
