Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
