I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
