I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
