you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
