woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
