my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
