yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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