First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
