her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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