he was CRYING into my vagina
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
