At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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