lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
