I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
