So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
