Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
