my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The air taste purple.
Randomize
