I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
