I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
