i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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