I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
