I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
