4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
