I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
