dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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