He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
