I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
