Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
