I can tuck mytits in my pants
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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