these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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