When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize