I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
