chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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