Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
