They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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