If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
