Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
