What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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