His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
