I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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