I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
